A Dad's Page

Happy 2009!!!

2009-01-05T14:41:00.002-06:00

Time flies when you are living life. Seems that I tried to initiate this blog as a place to keep up with life, journal on occasion and so forth, but I find that I hop around with work, family and message boards...not to mention facebook.

Anyway, it's 2009 and my life is getting ready for a new chapter. This year is the year that my son's will graduate High-School and head off to college or adult life in general.

As a dad, I couldn't be any prouder of what my son's have accomplished in life so far. They have put themselves in a position to have many options to choose from as they enter adulthood. That is the basis of what I want for my sons. They get to choose what they want to do, simply because they want to do it.

As opposed to when I became an adult...I had made some pretty bad choices growing up and when I finished Highschool, I had some limited options...thus I chose to go into the military, back in 1986!!! Turned out to be one of the best decisions that I have ever made...if for no other reason than to hold down a steady job for 3 years. It also provided me a place to make mistakes, learn and essentially develop as a person.

Now, I find that my parenting has been a success thus far thanks to making one positive choice to join the military when I did. Of course nothing the boys have today could not be true if not for the greatest choice I've made...that of my wife!!! What a woman!!!

We have balanced each out as Mom & Dad...as this year unfolds, we will get to rediscover who we are as individuals and as husband and wife!!!

This transition will be a challenge, but one that I am willing to take and willing to be humble and allow the guiding hand of our creator to take me through.

As a part of 2009, I will also transition into a stronger role in my career with opportunities at new deals, but also a challenge to be a confident me and the ability I have to communicate as a salesperson.

Happy 2009 my friends...may we all prosper as this year unfolds.

Catching up

2008-10-07T15:25:00.001-05:00

Today is October 7th, a Tuesday the year 2008.

A ton of things have taken place since my last post...what back in 2006.

To help get us current, today we will have the 2nd of the Presidential debates. This is to be a townhall meeting type of format.

Based on my views the election is not going so well. I am a conservative at heart and I fear that we are seeing this country drift into a dark liberal hole. I am certain that our leftist friends would just assume that people like me went away.

We are seeing a society that is drifting further and further away from God and the foundations associated with God. Rather I see people appeasing those of us of faith, but in reality this has turned into a self-gratification culture.

Where is this generations Jonah? Would anyone listen?

I know that I have to develop as an individual and further strengthen my faith, but I struggle as I fear the world that my sons and future generations will be living with. This weighs heavy on me, yet I have no control over any of it.

To get other updates...life is clicking away.

My sons are both HS Seniors this year, and we are just now going through some major college searches. I have one son who is pretty well undecided as to what he wants to do. I am hoping to encourage him to pick one or two possible directions and work towards those goals, then if he becomes convicted with another path, he is welcome to change. But I fear the wandering mentality...I struggled with this for many years and it is a rather difficult life.

My other son, is pretty set on what he wants to do...soccer and journalism (Sports). Now he is searching for the right school that can offer him the opportunity to pursue both.

My wife is living life to its fullest and is enjoying her path as well as the adventures she is experiencing through her vocation as a "Life Coach"

As for me, I went through a transition as in 2007 I was laid off from my old company. I miss those days and that company. Namely due to the company being based out of France. My trips to France have virtually stopped, short of an upcoming family vacation we will take to Paris in March of 2009. If I could, I would love to live in France...there is a part of that country that speaks volumes to me and makes me feel as though I am home.

But in terms of work I have moved on. I tried to set up my own business, while I interviewed with other companies...I hooked up with one company for about 3 months, but I had a bad feeling that this company was getting ready to struggle and I didn't want to pass up a 2nd opportunity, which is the company I am with today.

I still long to write, and mostly to write about sports. My hope is to re-kindle this desire using this blog as a tool. Perhaps writing a bit on my local pro teams (Dallas Stars, Cowboys, etc...) Only to see if there may be some interest from others in my perspective as an outsider.

Of course, I could twist things and start writing about movies and TV shows, as this has become a pretty good hobby of mine as well. Perhaps on my next blog, I can write a little about a movie I recently watched called "Reign Over Me" - a great dramatic movie from Adam Sandler about two friends who stumble across eacho ther after a period of time has passed. One person in desparate need of a friend, the other in desparate need of learning what it means to be a friend.

There's my update for now...may you all be blessed and enjoy living life to its fullest.

What a week

2006-04-07T10:55:00.000-05:00

Recently I sent an e-mail to a dear friend and stated that I am torn between doing what I want to do and doing what I am responsible for.

This is the dilema between vocation and passion. I work in order to provide for my family. All the honorable and obedient, this is sometimes a trial. In an effort to stay sane, I also serve in various ministries and at times I taste the sheer joy and fulfillment of doing what my heart desires and what I believe is somewhat of a calling. Yet I know that through the perservearance of following through on my vocation that God is molding me and shaping me into his will.

I am reminded of this when I see the little things such as car repairs, utility bills and other payments that are due on a regular basis. Yet I am also reminded every time I see my Bride take on a new challenge because she feels safe and provided for. I see it in the joy that my sons show as they take on life and relationships as they continue to grow.

As much as I long to change the world through my grandious thinking, I am reminded that my priority is as a dad and a husband.

Jesus changed the world by changing the lives of his disciples. Then as I learn and respond the call of shepperding my family, I too can change the world by taking care of home.

The time will come when I will be called into other locations, but it is not today, this much I know. Yes, through the trials of this week, I am reminded that this is the season of being a dad.

Recently I have read the following: "Obstacles are those frighful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals."

I have learned that not all obstacles are clearly black/white evil things. Once they are recognized they can be put in their proper place.

Life Goes on

2006-04-02T12:54:00.000-05:00

Life goes on

Well folks, life goes on. Things are happening fast and furious and today, I am trying to simply catch my breath.

Please pray for a dear friend, who battling hard in the hospital after catching Malaria while on a mission trip to Uganda. Being a friend and not a family member, I am reluctant to post any additional information, but please pray.

Also pray as their are spiritual attacks occuring and I am seeking God's wisdom on how to address things that our outside of my control.

On the positive side, Pray for France!!! There is a team preparing to travel to France for a short term support. Our friends and long term team members based in Southern France are getting ready to have their first public service. Pray that all team members will be blessed and that their sacrifice will be well received by the people they are all seeking to reach. Pray that each team member will get to see an early return and some of the fruit of the work and service they are providing.

Also a note, my sons will be receiving some type of Academic Award this month. We received a letter regarding an upcoing awards ceremony and that both Eric and Ryan would receive an award, however they have not shared what the award is. Regardless, I am so proud of both of them as they have made the transition from Homeschool to High School absolutely amazing. Seeing them turning into great young men, does my heart wonders and I am thrilled to have the honor of being their dad and play a small part in the Men that they will become!!!

Baseball's latest issue

2006-03-17T07:01:00.000-06:00

I will admit that I am not a Bonds fan, however I don't like the GUILTY verdict being placed on the guy without a full investigation and official hearing (Court).

On that note, I don't see any racism and I feel sorry for those who choose to play the race card.

I do believe the press and the fans need to calm down and simply enjoy the game. Watch and have fun. Meanwhile, there appears to be enough of a smoking gun, that MLB should do a very detailed investigation and either prove the alegations false or true.

If they are False, MLB and Bonds should take clear legal actions against those who have placed these false stories out there. If they are true, then Baseball should take some very clear and decisive actions against Bonds and anyone knowingly associated with the deeds at hand. (Trainers, Coaches, Agents, Players, etc...)

Either way, there appears to be too much so-called credible information that has leaked out and deserves to be checked out.

My fear, not with Bonds, but with MLB is that this is too little too late. Had MLB done something back in the 80's/90's, then perhaps they would have saved face and the names of some of the best players of all-time.Instead they buried their heads in the dirt and now we don't know who to believe.

I'm a baseball fan, but I find the whole Steroid development the saddest thing in all of sports. Barry Bonds is simply caught in the middle and none of us know the truth, nor do we know who to believe so we are all stuck between a rock and a hard place.

At this point, I am Praying for the Truth to come out on Bonds and on everything associated with Steroids. "The Truth Shall Set You Free!!!"

Not to mention, I have two Teen Age sons who are a bit jaded towards baseball and pro-athletes at this point. It would be nice to see this get cleaned up by the time they themselves are in my shoes and have kids of their own. I would love to see them enjoy a ballgame and not have to talk about Steroids!!!

Miracles of news!!!

2006-03-03T09:58:00.000-06:00

Recently I have had some fairly deep struggles and yesterday was filled with the emotion of feeling sorry for myself. Stress of everyday life couples with sharp words that have been directed at me and I reacted with an emotional depression. However some hope arose from this depression.

The news of the Good News!!!

Recently I ran into an old friend. Actually we were the best of friends back in High School. A ton of memories to be shared from my days prior to Christ. Perhaps some other time. He later stood in as the Best Man at my wedding to the most wonderful bride a man could have. I am so fortunate, some would say lucky, but I would say blessed!!!

Life happened and we lost touch with each other. I have often though of my friend and prayed for him, however my own inadaquacy didn't have the confidence of getting in touch, mainly out of fear that I would fall back into some old life patterns. But yet again, a different story.

However God is AWESOME!!! By chance we ran into each other and made a commitment to get in touch with each other. At the time I was preparing to go out of town, so I indicated that I would contact him when I returned.

So yesterday, I sent him a quick e-mail just to say Hi and to set up a time to get a hold of each other. I get a reply e-mail, late in the afternoon when I was at my worst place of the day, emotionally and in his message he let's me know that two years ago he accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior.

WOW!!! That message did more to lift my spirits than anything had in a long time. This message restored my hope!!!

Thank you God for believing in me and my friends. Thank for never giving up on us.

Prayer, it's not just given...but also requested

2006-02-13T08:54:00.000-06:00

Filled with ups and downs, that is what makes life so dynamic.

Unfortunately, lately the bumps have been pretty harsh...consequences of choices and decisions that were simple to see the good, but easy to choose the bad. Caught up in the vision of tomorrow with some slips from the daily focus to succeed towards that destination. Financial and Purity choices have been a difficult struggle.

Pardon me for not sharing the gritty details, but suffice it to say that family and marital strain have entered into teh dynamic of life. No longer is it safe to say that only with God's grace can we perservere, but it is a matter of choice in obedience to experience God's grace and redemptive powers.

Dicsipline has been a very difficult thing for me to accomplish in my life. Should I say, sustained discipline? It's amazing the lessons that I try to teach my own sons in perservearence, seem lost in my own walk as I cling to the latest thing that feels good. Be it an eclair of any variety...or is addiction circles something called a "Magic Pill"

Yet, in this moment of despair, there is a strong hope. The meeting of new people who seek help for the first time!!! The sharing of visions, not quite long term vision, but rather short term with a site of a plan and some actions to take. I've heard this called, "Taking Baby Steps"

So today I Pray, I Pray for a rekindling of Love, I Pray for my own strengthening in my faith and for the sight to see where I should place my next step, I Pray for God's Grace and Forgiveness, but more importantly that I will accept it and do something with it.

As I sit and ponder, I Pray that decisions will become simple as I sort through the busy-ness of life. Work, Marriage, Parenthood, Friend, Church, Missions, Sports, Coaching, Finances, Sobriety, Faith and Self. All of these things are a part of my life, all of them are a part of the other, yet all of them deserve their own delicate attention. Pray that I become willing to make Faith my top priority and that I allow Faith to support me in the other areas of my life.

Life continues

2006-02-02T08:13:00.000-06:00

Life is filled with boxes of stuff. Some are great and others...well they could be better off just staying in the box. Coming off the holidays, where many boxes where opened with the sure fired smile regardless of what was inside, life continues.

Stretching into February the pressures of life continue. Work, Family, Church and a few other things, within each is yet another slue of boxes to be opened and organized. However one box can easily effect another box and thus really complicate matters.

My futile attempt above is to write about day to day life as experienced by me. I'm finding that I have some really great things going on, within my own work, my family and my church, but I also am discovering that I am have some obstacles to overcome. Many are simply things that have to be dealt with, while some are consequences of previous choices that I have made.

Specifically financial issues, tithe and such...this is a major obstacle that take some discipline, which I am in the process of truly learning. As well, the battle of Time...managing my time is in direct conflict with managing my energy and desires...

Uhhh, this is so frustrating...it's time for me to sign off...perhaps next time, I can come up with something a bit more uplifting...but in the end, I am like many of you and simply being as Life Continues.

Great Holidays...Great Football Game

2006-01-05T17:03:00.000-06:00

Going into the Christmas and New Years season, I struggled as I mentioned in some previous blogs. My eyes observed others going through some difficult times.

However from Christmas day on, I have had a "New" spirit. It was great to have family over for a "French" fiest. I had an absolute blast cooking for everyone coming over as we had Orange Duck, Quiche, Crepes, French Onion Soup, Desserts and other stuff.

As much as it was a day filled with gifts, we had a better time just hanging out together...not simply as family but as friends who happen to share the same blood line!!! This is an area that I have neglected as I struggle through the differences of relationships as friends and family members. I took my eyes off of the splinters in my family members eyes and just took in the time as I would with friends and accepted each family member for the unique individual that they are. It was great to reconnect with some family that I have shut out of my life over this past year.

As I move into this year of 2006, I find that I have some decisions to make which will make a huge impace on the rest of my life and the lives of those nearest and dearest to me. However God has found a wonderful way to remind me that the decisions are not mine to make, but rather mine to obey. My only decision is to seek Him and obey Him. My prayer is for discernment as I move forward.

As a note, I received this message through the sermon at Lake Point to start the year off. Taken from versus Mark 10:46-52 in which the blind man seeks Jesus to be healed. One of the key points in the sermon was Not settling for less. Jesus asked the man what he wants, and he could have easily asked for his next meal, or some clothes, or some other material thing...but he asked for the grand daddy of them all...TO SEE!!! He didn't settle, he asked for what he wanted and he received it.

So this year, I don't want to settle...First and foremost, I want to SEE what it is God wants from me and for me this year and in future years. Please Pray that I will be in contact with God and that I will discern His vision and will for me over my own worldly wants.

Now for some fun news. In addition to some unique insights, I had the thrill last night of watching the NCAA Football BCS Title game. The University of Texas is the team that I have been rooting for since I was a little kid and quietly I have had them as my favorite non-Cowboys team. Well UT won the Championship 41-38 over a very good USC football team. This was the greatest game I have had the pleasure of watching since the Cowboys where winning Superbowls in the early 90's. Don't tell my wife, as she may wonder why I did not list the Stars Championship Hockey run of 99...but truth be known, the Longhorns Championship ranked higher in this fans heart.

Emotions running high in Dallas

2005-12-22T11:57:00.000-06:00

Okay, so here is yet another fault of mine. Sports, more specifically the Professional Dallas teams.

You would think that leading up to Christmas that I would not allow the results of any sports game to effect my mood, but after watching my teams get crushed, I did. Others in my home also did, but that is another story.

Then last night I watched a movie with my wife called "Fever Pitch". It's a story about a passionate Boston Red Sox fan. Passionate isn't the half of how much this characters life revolves around the Red Sox. In short he is more devoted to the Red Sox than anything else, to the point that he risked losing the love of his life. During a crucial scene his girlfriend speaks to him and says, "I love you like you love your Red Sox" (I paraphrased as I have a horrible memory)...then she asked a strong question...how have the Red Sox loved you in return?

This movie had some really great points towards the end and I don't want to give it all away...but it has caused me to take a look at my affair with the Cowboys, Mavs, Stars and other sports teams.

This Christmas, I will work to make sports just what it is, entertainment...it's just a game.

Here's to capturing my energy as a fan and giving it back to my wife and kids!!!

Merry Christmas.

Amongst the cheer is the sad reality

2005-12-14T13:04:00.000-06:00

My friends, I humbly apologize today as I am in a somber mood as this wonderful day of celebration approaches. You see amidst all the festivities and the spirit of giving, I am finding it more and more difficult to dawn the mask of "All is well"

Quite frankly, I am a bit sad this Christmas. Don't get me wrong, in my house and with my wife and sons, we have a great love for one another. We are spending time together and sharing in each others hopes and dreams of tomorrow, while celebrating the beauty of the day.

No this is not a story about victims of a certain plight within our world.

This however is a story of the sadness that I see every year as it relates to family of origin, as well as friends. I am suddenly seeing the consequences of a multitude of choices that people very dear to me have made. I am seeing broken relationships of various types happening before my eyes. I am seeing walls being put up, yes even by me.

As much as we experience the warmth of love, there is a strange pink elephant that is called isolation.

Amongst the joys of rekindled relationships and the celebration of new friends and new family, I find myself hurting for those who have gone on from this world, those who are getting ready to leave, separation of families and the desire to not communicate or to see certain family members.

I find myself viewing the reality of this world for what it is.

Now, my heart does not want to leave this story with pure sadness, unfortunately that is the emotion that is filling me today.

I understand the greatness of God's grace and how this is sufficient for me. I remind myself that I can not be the one to choose for anyone else in this life. So I ask for Prayer in my own understanding. Pray that I can see and experience the Joy while easing the sadness that is the reality of this world.

Let me focus and celebrate the Joy of seeing a friend who has just returned from his time in Germany and Iraq!!!

Let me celebrate the joy of my Wife and her success with Life Coaching!!! Let me celebrate my Wife and he circle of friends!!! Her friends help to complete her, and their friendship provides for a wonderfule marriage!!!

Let me celebrate my sons!!! My oldest son, Eric for his perservearance in learning and playing the sport of Tennis!!! For his commitment to God!!! I have been told by other kids in his school that he is Holier than me, his dad!!! I'm in no way holy, but it is great to hear that my son is trying with all his might to be obedient to God regardless of the temptation thrown on him as a teenager!!! Let me celebrate his academic achievements and his vision for his future!!!

Let me celebrate my youngest son, Ryan for his competitive drive and sheer joy of life!!! Let me celebrate his willingness to try and ultimate joy of watching him celebrate his success!!!

Let me celebrate my dogs, Hope, Joy and Love!!! All three of which show a complete and unconditional love!!!

Let me celebrate the DeMuth family, who have ventured as missionaries into France!!! They are a living example of obedience and I thank them for their story!!!

As I close, I can think of many more that I want to celebrate, I hope and Pray that the folks that I am saddened for today, can have a moment that they can look at celebrate the great things in their lives. Ultimately I Pray that they can celebrate with Jesus!!!

The Crude...or whatever it is, just go away!!!

2005-11-21T15:14:00.000-06:00

Some times our bodies just say...TIMEOUT!!! They do this with some fairly quick sickness' Lately this thing has hit our house, everyone of us has caught it and pardon me, but it sux.

It zaps your energy and drastically changes your moods from one minute to the next.

Unfortunately, it doesn't change the demands on our lives. Work and Family continue on. House chores, projects are still needing our attention.

So I Pray, that whatever this bug is, just go away!!!

Daily Inventory

2005-11-14T13:09:00.000-06:00

Wow, quite simply a rush of thought and events have passed through my mind this past week. From the Riots in France, to the spectacle that is Terrell Owens in the NFL, to volunteering at the MLS Cup yesterday in Frisco, to a frustrating attempt to stall my irate customer while my company works on a true solution, to fighting some type of sickness, to getting ready to go out of town for 4 days...well the list goes on and on.

We all have our own relatively large "To Do" list that never seems to get completely done. After all as we finish a few items, a few more jump on for a free ride. How do we cope with so much to do.

Would it be wise to sort through these things and actually place a value on each item as well as firgure out where each sits in relation to our purpose? That's a tough one, after all that implies that we know our purpose. For this exercise, let's provide a given that we have this knowledge, so now what?

My experience shows me that we tend to focus on things that are on our minds at the moment so perhaps, this is an opportunity to work through a structured "Inventory" list. My friends like to refer to the 12 Steps associated with Alcoholics Anonomous. Specifically to step 4/5 and 10. Upone reviewing these steps, I found that it was and is helpful to sort through this with categories of which I am using the following:

Physical
Relational
Spiritual
Behavioral
Personal

Actually this list is taken from "A L.I.F.E. Guide" my Mark Laaser, Ph.D. page 138 to be specific.

Taking a look at these areas of my life on a nearly daily basis, helps me to not wander off track too much. This helps me stay connected to me. When I'm not, I tend to disconnect from those around me.

I pause today as I go through this exercise. In reality a daily check-in for me is difficult. It requires a willingness to be real with myself, to be honest when the only one who knows the truth is me. How willing are you to be real on a daily basis? Are you willing to celebrate when you achieve this freedom? Are you willing to work for this freedom?

Ouch, I just realized there is no lottery on personal freedom. Yes, we can all choose salvation...but what must we do to live in true freedom? For me, a daily inventory helps to keep me in reality.

Variety of thoughts...not sure where it will lead

2005-11-07T13:14:00.000-06:00

Today is one of those days that has me going through a range of thought and emotion. As I sit down to type this blog out, I find myself burning with Anger. There are a rash of topics, from work, to sports, to faith, to recovery, to relationships...I'm not sure where to start. Personally I don't do well with Anger.

No I'm not one of these guys that flies off the handle, instead I tend to take it inward and I close off from people and things. For some reason, Anger triggers some truly deep down emotions that I fear bringing to the surface. Things that I believe I have worked through, but every once in a while I find controlling me.

There is a part of me that wants to love people where they are at, but like myself, people are messy and realtionships are not perfect. I have friends and family going through some rough spots in their own relationships, and all I am suppose to do is sit quietly on the sideline and watch them either work it out or tear it to pieces. This is the part that I don't like.

Watching others making choices that either bring on victory or harch consequences. It's painful to watch. To bring this closer to home, I watched my older son Eric play in a Tennis tournament this week-end. He played a couple of really good matches, but as I watched I could see some things that his choices on the court where bringing to him. Yet, I can't tell him, it's his tennis and his choices. I've watched as my younger son Ryan chooses on the soccer field or even in selecting his soccer team. Again these are his choices.

Then I stop and think about choices that I have made over the years and I wonder, how does God view me? I'm sure that I can be a frustrating child of God. It's clear he has given me all the gifts to successfuly accomplish what He created me to be. I'm certain that many of you can quote the scriptures to back this up, but I wanted to take this time to personalize my thoughts and not provide "Church" speak.

In the end, I believe God looks on with Grace and lots of patience. I think about the guys that I spend time with each week working on "Recover" issues and how as a friend I believe in each one of them. I know that they will find the way that God has created for them. That is how God looks upon each of us. He Believes in us.

This brings me to my favorite line from a movie "The Count of Monte Cristo" I've shared this in another story,...In prison, the count is secretly meeting with another prioner who used to be a priest. The priest is teaching the count many things and in his teachings he is teaching about God's grace. Near death, the priest tells the count that when he gets out and finds the financial treasure that they have discussed that the count is to use it for good. Do as God would want. The Count asks "What if I don't believe in God?" The priest, says "That's okay, God believes in you!"

To me this is a paradigm shift on sharing the gospel. For years I have listened as we try to convince others to accept Christ, if only they would believe in Him. There is a crucial step, in my opinion that has been missed. It is time that we step up and validate God's belief in us.

As I focus on His belief in me then I find that I have an easier time making the decisions/choices that coincide with God's will. When I focus on myself and how I will look to my fellow man, then I find that I make choices that are less honoring to God.

In the end, his Grace is like a sports 24 hour rule. Teams win or lose, have 24 hours to celebrate of whine about a game, then it's time to focus on the next game. God's grace is there for me to celebrate when I am obedient and to go through the disappointment when I am not obedient. In the end it is time to move on to the next choice and not wallow in my previous decision.

Hey what do you know...writing can be rather healing. My anger/frustration is being lifted as I write. Thank you my reader friends simply for being you.

Out of energy

2005-11-04T14:57:00.000-06:00

Let me speak in plain language today. It is just at 3:00PM on a Friday and I am exhausted. For most of the week I have been reflective and to some extent energetic...today I am plain wore out. The pressure of life is just simply heavy today and I can't seem to point to one specific thing, just a culmination of many things.

Last night a friend shared about their son getting ready to return to Iraq. Her story really challenges my belief and support of what we as a nation are doing, but I continue to remain in strong support of our current administration and the fight for freedom in Iraq. My self, I have served 7 1/2 years in the Army, however I never did come face to face with fighting a war, nor did I ever want to. I was however prepared to serve if called upon.

Having said this, my heart goes out to my friends and their son. On that note, my heart is hurting for everyone involved in this battle. If anything, today I would challenge everyone to simply write a letter, send a card, make contact with a soldier fighting in the war. A simple card is worth more than a winning lotter ticket to the majority of our soldiers away from home.

It's not just the soldiers, as the same could be said for the many individuals and families serving as missionaries in a foreign community or land. Recently I was told that we have no idea what it means for a missionary friend to recieve a care package with a package of Reese's Cups!!! I urge all of us, as much as we connect through Cyberspace, send something through snail mail.

I know that when I was in the military and in a foreign land, I could hold somethign that I received in the mail and know that the person who sent it to me also held this gift in their hands, and in a small way I feel connected. For one simple moment I am able to slip away and be home!!!

I suppose that is what I need at the moment, so as I write this I picture myself at home. For me, my picture of home is a Kincaid painting called the "Prayer Garden" I can close my eyes and picture myself standing knee deep in the stream simply enjoying the sounds and smells of that nature. For this brief moment I am connected to God and to being home.

Only for a moment as now I hear the sounds of my dogs running in and out of the house, my older son Eric bouncing a tennis ball in the house and Ryan trying to get the dogs to play fetch in the house.

It's time to reconnect with reality and move forward, but for the last 10 minutes I was able to take a deep breath and wind down. Now I can go into the week-end with a little taste of peace on my mind.

I'm curious, what do you do to wind down at the end of a stressful day or week?

Living in today

2005-11-03T07:02:00.000-06:00

It occured to me that as my thoughts and dreams are focused on the many tomorrows in front of me, there is no better time to enjoy the opportunity of the moment than by living in today. With this I took some time this morning to stay faithful in my Prayer, as this makes 10 days straight of morning quiet Prayer. As I share this, I can only pause and imagine how others who are strong in their faith also struggle with a Prayer time. It gives me more compassion for myself and the courage to want to be real with others in hopes that they too will gain strength as they learn to appreciate the moment and stage of their lives.

Later this morning around 6:30AM I helped Ryan study for a final exam in Computer Science that he will be taking this morning. Fortunately he had a review sheet filled with questions and answers, as I know very little about computers. He is taking a JAVA class, which to me is a good fresh cup of coffee, not some computer watchamacalit. Anyway, he really seems jazzed up and ready for his test. Its amazing to watch him and to reflect on how great it is to put in the work up front and to be excited about taking the test.

On a faith stand point, am I excited for my final exam when I have to face God?

Interesting thing in Ryan and Eric's school. They provide rewards for students who maintain a certain grade and have perfect attendance. They give them an exemption card, which allows them to be exempt from a final exam of their choosing.

Could I imagine having an exemption card from God? Fortunately, I and all of us have that opportunity and the great thing is that I don't need good grades or perfect attendance.

Even to this day, I am amazed and God's love for me and how that same love is there for everyone to accept.

This is what carries me to live in the moment and to enjoy the moment.

Now my day continues. After helping Ryan study, he was off to school so I took a moment to do a simple chore and run the dishes in an effort to help within the house. I fed the dogs, we have three dogs. Hope, Joy and Love!!! I think they are God's way of showing us unconditional love.

No matter what type of day I am having, they always want to be near me and around me. I picture the kids in Jesus' time who wanted to always be near him. Funny how we as people tend to over analyze and strategies how to be successful, when bottom line life is about relationships and making our yes' yes and our nos' no. People quite frankly want to have fun and enjoy being around each other.

Well, I am coming to my end of time this morning as I must get off to work. I have a conference call in 10 minutes that will lead into several other phone-meetings today. As business is a part of today, I Pray that I will live in the moment and actually enjoy the moments of work as an opportunity to have relationships with others and to be an example that reflects God's grace.

Connecting

2005-11-02T11:05:00.000-06:00

In the process of my reconnecting with God through a daily Prayer ritual it occured to me that there are some folks near by that I need to connect with. They are my family.

It's not like we don't see each other or communicate, but we just all appear to be so lost in life that we don't take the time to just talk and share the things going on in our lives. In the midst of playing sports together or coaching together or "Watching TV" together, we do very little talking. As I thought about this, I began to feel an ache in my heart as I have been the one who has been the most guilty for not making the effort to lead my family in simple conversations.

So last night, as work died off and the evening was coming around, I took a step. First I took a mental note of my expectations and made a proactive choice to NOT control anyone in the house, rather I would let things go where they did and cherish the moments for what they where.

Next I took a quick inventory of the night. Brandy and Eric where at Tennis, while Ryan was at home playing on the playstation. I made a decision to prepare a simple dinner so that when Brandy and Eric arrived at home, the table would be set and dinner would be ready. Nothing grand, I made some Tacos and Rice for all of us to sit and eat together. Just prior to cooking I asked Ryan to take care of a few chores (Trash and Dish Duty). As Ryan completed his tasks and I completed getting dinner ready, I looked at the clock and realized that we had about 20-30 minutes before Brandy and Eric entered the house.

In the past I would sit down and flip through the mulitple sports choices on TV and let Ryan continue playing playstation on the other TV. On the flip side, I would try to find an activity for us to do together, outside or something of my own choosing. Instead, last night I decided to try and get into his world. I took a few minutes to play Madden Football with Ryan, who promplty crushed me. Of course I was saved by halftime as Brandy and Eric walked in the door and our game was canceled so that we could eat dinner together.

The night goes on as we talked a bit about school, tennis and life in general. We then cleaned up as a family team which again was out of character for us. After dinner, Brandy and Eric were wiped out from a long and busy day, so they retired to the TV to watch the latest episode of Bones. Eric has really gotten into these shows that are like the CSI shows and he has talked about wanting to get a degree in Forensics in order to go out and solve crimes.

Meanwhile Ryan was trying to figure out what he wanted to do, so I asked him if he wanted to play some games. He was interested and we promptly played a couple of board games for a little over an hour. The key is that we talked and talked...well he talked and I listened and asked questions as I was and am curious about his life.

As much of a soccer enthusiest that he is as a player and a fan, he shared some stories about new friends at school and he shared stuff from his classes. It was really cool to just chat with no agenda.

I was not planning to teach Ryan anything, nor was I in the process of doing anything other than just connect.

This coming week-end I will have a great opportunity to connect with Eric. I'm driving him to a Tennis tournament that is about 2 hours away. So we will have several hours alone simply to talk as he feels lead and feels safe enough to do.

So my Prayer is that as I reconnect with God and work on the "Clutter" in my life, that I will recognize and capitalize on the moments that God provides for me to connect with those that are the most important to me...Brandy, Eric and Ryan.

What is your Spiritual Destiny?

2005-11-01T07:54:00.000-06:00

What a question? During a coaching class last night we were discussing the issue of depression and people who are in despair and hopeless. Our instructor challenged us to take an informal poll of people we know and simply ask them "What is your Spiritual Destiny?"

All I can say is "WOW"

For me this is truly inspiring. This is not, what are you good at? What abilities do you have? Rather this hits home and drives the search for my ultimate purpose. It's a chance to look at spiritual gifts in a new light.

Please understand that recently we have been studying Ephesians in our ABF/Sunday School and through the study we touched on Spiritual Gifts. I personally studied these gifts to get in touch with my own gifting strengths and the gifts that I may not appreciate as well as others. That's me trying to be PC, in reality I do not have the gift of administration, organization and a few others.

It's rather funny, as currently God has spoken to me about "Clutter" in my life, so perhaps this is God calling me to develop my weaker gifts to a point so that I can truly perfect my strong gifts. At this point "Clutter" is getting in the way of my strengths and in turn I am NOT serving as I am called to.

But I digress...the key here is where are my spiritual gifts carrying me. Is it simply to serve the hear and now, the moment, the needs of today? Sure, they help with today and I can continue to live one day at a time...but there is a larger purpose that as I dream and seek, I catch a glimpse of God's vision for me. I see his greatness in my wife and in my children, I see the greatness in the people around me...but just possibly, I can sense that he has greatness in store for me as well.

After all it is God who created me, it is God who shaped me, it is God who provided me with a vision of tomorrow. So as I look at my destiny, I see a changed world. For me that changed world is France. I not only see a community here and there, but an entire nation rebuilt through salvation as they come to a unique relationship with God through Jesus. By the way, he is reaching the people of France through relationship with people like you and I.

I see my own destiny as having a home in France where along with my wife we have a community place that people can come and be home. However in this setting, I am in the background as the driving force is from the Holy Spirit as French people and others who live in this French community come together and they are the ones teaching and reaching with the Gospel of Jesus. Our home is also a place for others to rest. As much as it is a place where intelectual discussion is had, it is more a place that hearts can be poured out and filled with the love of Jesus.

My spiritual destiny is coming and some day, I will honor that which the lord has placed on my heart.

What is your spiritual destiny?

Renewed Spirit...removing clutter

2005-10-31T16:03:00.000-06:00

It has been months since I have last posted, and perhaps equally as long since I have been in a good place. Funny thing, no matter if I'm in a good place or not, life continues and I can either continue down until I reach a pit or I can choose to grab a life vest and float to the top all over again.

Recently, I have allowed life to just happen with one exception. I made a commitment to support my wife as she pursued training and transition into a career "Life Coach". On the same page, my own desire has been to chase the same dream of becoming a "Life Coach". So for the past few months I have been going through my initial training phase and in the process of learning the techniques associated I have been learning about having the "Heart of a Coach". The key piece here is that as a Coach we believe in our client. This has never been an issue for me, however in this process I am learning to believe in myself. Now that is a major transormation for me. It challenges my faith and quite frankly I believe is leading me to a new place that I was preventing myself from reaching.

As a part of the training process it is important to be coached. Amidst the various coaching topics which I tend to stay business focused, God caught my attention. CLUTTER is a major issue in my life. Not just the typical clutter associated with stuff sitting around that needs to be picked up and put away, but basically a clutter of things to do, responsibilities, activities, relationships, commitments etc... Part of being coached is working through the issue at hand so that we can come up with an action plan on our own that we buy into and are willing to follow through on. As I focused in on the clutter a voice kept speaking to me. One word...PRAY.

Before you think that I am going off on some religious hocus pocus, please understand that my Spritial Disciplines are severly lacking and I freely admit that I am a broken vessel in need of some strong repairs. Prayer has never been one of my strengths. I'll get back to the details in a moment, allow me a minute to explain how I came to the conclusion of Prayer as my action step and what I have done this week in response.

I started to look at the many things in my life and my attempts to change the habits that were bringing me down. With each one, I realized that my motives where and are wrong. My motives have been about me and my appearance to others. I want to look and act like this "Good Christian". I should physically look a certain, I should have my business in order, I should have my finances in order, my family should meet certain expectations...what a load of crap I was living.

I have even tried to give the appearance in public and in private of doing the Christian things. I have tried on many occasions to Pray, read scripture and journal about what I was doing and learning. But again my motives were purely selfish. To put it plainly, my motives where like this "God, if i do this for you will you do that for me?" There has been no humbleness on my part, there has been no grace or genuine worship and fellowship with God from Me. Come to think of it, I was my own God.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not all that, actually I am rather average...But a result of all the things that I have done to try and appear a certain way have caused for a lifetime of clutter to be built up. So I made a commitment to Pray every morning to develop a Spiritual discipline as well as a new ritual. This time, though I have started with NO journaling or reading, just quite simply an honest daily time in Prayer. I don't want this to be about technique, I want this to be about a genuine relationship with God.

I believe that God wants to work on me, with me and through me one item at a time. All I need to do is pick up the phone and call Him...It's called Prayer.

As a result, this is my first week and I can honestly say that He is speaking to me. He is working on me with the little things. I am guarded to share the particulars as I want to keep things on the down low, but in time I will be thrilled to share with you the greatness of God, especially as I learn to change my motives and expectations.

As God has reached me and is teaching me how to remove clutter, He has also provided me with a renewed Spirit.

Change...what are you willing?

2005-05-10T12:28:00.000-05:00

Change is a thing that when I look, I can see. It's all around me, at work, at home, at church on the various sports fields...everyone is going through change. Slowly I am coming out of my own comfort zone to find that change is a good thing, if not a necessity to life.

Here some examples of change in my life at this time:

At home, we have decided to change our schooling format from homeschool to our local public high-school. This is a major transition in our home, but one that as a dad is positive to observe. The choice to change and enter the local high-school is a result of my son's request. It's his choice. So not only is the change a transition in our home education philosophy it also is a change of letting go. The time is right to trust in my son's choices and have him live his life and have his experience. Simply by making the choice he has stepped up in his relationships at home. He is taking ownership of many things that I have been frustrated as a dad...all stemming from letting go. Change is a good thing.

In addition at home, my wife and I are putting together a plan...a focused plan at getting ourselves ready spiritually, physically, emotionally, financially and otherly to be willing to serve God as He calls us. The change here is my willingness to have a concrete goal which involves other areas of my life. Our desire is to be prepared to move to France and serve or help local evangelical missions on a more direct basis. For the past few months we have worked steadily on becoming good financial stewards. The goal is not specifically for financial wealth, but rather to be obedient and show a track record of making good financial decisions and thus develop a skill to manage finances for the mission field.

This is an unedited piece that was never published...so here it is, a new day and yet another renewed spirit of moving forward.

Dreams are what drive me

2005-03-30T13:54:00.000-06:00

Dreams are what drive me.
Yet pitfalls and nightmares are what consume me.
For the past years questions of why continue to plague me.
But no more.

No more shall the illusion of failure bind me
No more shall the lies keep me
No more shall they
No more

Dreams are what drive me.
Dreams are what provide me with hope.
Hope is bringing me to freedom.

Freedom that is so pure.
Freedom that is so just
Freedom that is so alive
Freedom that is so sweet.

Freedom

Freedom to live
Freedom to walk
Freedom to talk
Freedom to be

Dreams are what drive me

Life, what a joy!!!

2005-03-16T12:05:00.000-06:00

Today I continue to spend my time fulfilling my responsibility to work, but at this moment I feel the urge to pause and reflect on a joyful experience the past few days have been. More from the messages that I hear and the way that I can see God trying to reach me and lead me closer to Him. Sure it would be easy for me to sit here and write about how obedient I am and how I have heard God's call and I am on my way, but the truth is I have heard God's call, but I am not comfortable with what I am hearing.

In a nutshell I am somewhat frightened and I know where those thoughts are coming from and my friends they are not of God. Amidst my day to day things, I have come across financial issues that are a consequence of my own misjudgement of current situations and obligations, not to mention my desire for immidiate satisfaction. Then I have come across a plumbing problem in our house as we have a drain that is potentially collapsed. This would be something I could deal with if only affected on part of the house, I could simply shut down the areas affected by this plumbing until our budget could handle the repair. But this so happens to effect the same plumbing as our Laundry washer.

For now we as a family must adjust to a not so common inconvenience to us. In addition for some time now, our dishwasher has not worked and again we simple can't just repair or replace it this has a financial value. So we have resorted to handwashing the dishes. Fortunately, allthough my wife and kids don't agree, I recently had the opportunity to help a friend with kitchen clean-up in his home in France. This reminded me of when I was growing up and some strange sort of way I have had fun washing the dishes by hand...thus I have not been too motivated to get the dishwasher repaired.

You might say that I have learned to cope and adjust to things around me, but now it is affecting others, not just me. We shall see what happens as we as a family work to get our budget under God's control and thus begin to make wise financial decisions...not to mention what this will do for me as I continue to seek to grow with and towards God.

Now for the good part, the joyful part...the recent messages that I have heard

You have to work for it
Choose your God
Being stripped of everything until all that is left is Jesus

Recently I heard a sermon preached and during the sermon the preacher showed how he had lost 50 pounds over the past year. He pointed out how when people ask him how, that in reality none of them want to really know, you see they just want to hear about a magic pill. He had a comedic response about it being painful to lose the weight but in the end a Tapeworm did the trick...but in reality he stated that he narrowed the secret down to 2 things.

Less Couch
Less Colories

Bottom line it was about working hard. Myself having lost 50 pounds over the past year, I was able to relate to this lesson. Somehow I could hear God calling specifically to me, but in other areas of my life...I will get into those details at anothet time, but needless to say, God is calling me!!!

Second I listed Choose your God. This is in reference to this week-ends sermon regarding the defining of Elijah. In the sermon he points out that Elijah did not need validation for his belief in the Lord as God. When he put the challenge out to the followers of Baal he simply told them if Baal is God the go to Baal, if the Lord is God then go to the Lord. He spent no time convincing them which one they should choose, but basically told them to put up or shut up. Choose your God. This really spoke to me. Not that I don't know who God is nor that I am confused about the Lord. I know and in writing and speaking will tell you that the Lord is my God and that I am a follower of Jesus Christ. However what spoke to me was my lack of faith in obedience to Him in every area of my life.

You see I struggle with a multitude of sins, some that are basically addictions. I run to these magic pills when I should run to God. I could sense God telling me to rely on Him. I'm not sure in clear detail what this means to me and what I must change, but I know that I am being called to something that in my eyes and in God's eyes are big. Again I stand with some fear as to what He is calling me to and what I must endure in obedience.

Finally last night a dear friend spoke and made a statement about being stripped of everything until all you have left is Jesus. WOW!!! Talk about a right hook to the jaw. God was speaking directly to me through the actions of another. Through the pain and trouble of another. I listened and then I later spoke with my wife. God is calling me to something and I feel as though he has been knocking on my door for 11 1/2 years, but my fear has paralyzed me.

Fortunately God is taking me on a journey and although I would love to discard everything I have and follow Him, I feel that He is gentle and the He is preparing me for a time that is to come. In my eyes I want that time now, but for Him that may be in 5, 10, or 25 years from now.

The joy that I have is that despite my failures, despite my inadequacies He has chosen me. He desires me. Not just a part of me because it's convenient or because it is capable or because it always says yes, He wants me because he knows there is more there than I have ever been lead to believe in. Truth be known God believes in me and this for the first time is more than nobody believing in me. The joy is that I am starting to believe in myself thanks to a creator who is greater than all.

Long Delay but I'm back

2005-03-15T14:53:00.000-06:00

Wow it's been well over a month since I have shared on my blog. So much to add, yet so little time to get it done. This is the root to my life of late. The hustle and bustle of the business world coupled with the responsibilities and joy of family life have created for little time to sit and simply write, be it a simple message that is of little meaning other than to communicate with an outside world about topics that matter not, or writing something of deep meaning in preperations for teaching a life lesson to a room full of seekers.

As I left you I was in a quandry as I was in midst of closing out the work load before a long anticipated vacation. Not to mention wanting to reconnect with my eldest son. The most vital of these is of course my son, which we did spend some time connecting during our vacation. Lessons have been learned from this vacation as well as this life. At the top of the list is that there is no better moment than the present to take action. You see although my son and I did have some connection, it is nowhere near complete, nor will it be for a long long time. I must be patient and rebuild the trust that I have lost. My son, with sadness, is like me in that he is a survivor. He has learned how to function and enjoy life without me. Sure I am welcome to join him, but at this point it is on his terms and he will not allow me to hurt him by disapearing again.

Don't get me wrong, I am not gone in the sense that I run away physically, but emotionally and mentally I have not been there for him. During this vacation we did do some things together the hilight I believe was making a day strictly for him. You see we do things for each other, but ofter times they don't involve his interests. So I made a plan to do something with and for him. So when we arrived to Cozamel I rented a jeep and we went and visited some ancient ruins on the island. Later we went to a local park to do some snorkeling followed by a drive around the entire island. Basically we spent time together. No deep discussions, nothing extraordinary or life changing, but nevertheless meaningful. We simply spent time together and explored.

Bottom line is that I have learned I need to sacrifice some time and simply do what he enjoys doing. This does not mean I become subservant to my son, but it does mean that I need to make some time deposits into his account doing what he enjoys with no advice or criticism. Upon our return we have spent some time as a family doing games. My son really enjoy playing cards (Texas Holdem). We don't gamble for real money, simply play with chips to see who wins like we would any other game.

I will continue to be proactive and explore his life on his terms. He is now 14 years old and these are some very critical days in the shaping of his soon to be adult life. I pray that I can be a source of wisdom rather than frustration.

Funny thing as I think about this and I think about the lesson that I will teach this Sunday: the topic Deception, when the end does not justify the means.

My thought is that I have deceiving myself in using every excuse to not spend time with my son with the deception that it's for his own good...when in actuality it's a coping mechanism to my own inadequacy. As I turn the tables on myself, I can only hope that by doing something today, intentionally I will be able to have a great relationship with my son for our lifetime.

Preparing for Vacation

2005-02-04T16:36:00.000-06:00

My life is full of wonderful blessings, the most recent feels abit selfish and indulgent as I prepare to embark on a family vacation. Being a dad of two teenage boys, my life appears to be wrapped up in one sports activity after another.

However, thanks to my wonderful wife we are about to embark on a family vacation. Now we have traveled as a family back when the boys were 1 and 2 years of age. Although we enjoyed our time, that vacation was as much fun as it was a learning point in parenting. I will share the story from days gone by later. Today my focus is on this family vacation.

Today my son's are 13 & 14 and well on their way to become wonderful young men. Hopefully this vacation will serve as a catalyst to launch a better relationship between me sons and I. Specifically Eric my 14 year old.

He is so much like me when I was his age. We have grown distant, while living under the same roof. Don't get me wrong, Eric is a great person and I love him for who he is, however we don't have the friendliest of relationships. I freely admit that I as a dad have brought my own life issues into my parenting. Come to think of it, I didn't take a class on being a dad, nor have I ever found a training manual that has an 'Easy' button to push when life becomes difficult. Eric like me is loved by all. He is a hard worker and an even stronger believer than I was or to an extent am today.

This may sound harsh, but as my belief is 100% solid in our creator, I can say that my walk has not been the most glowing review of who Jesus is. Now Eric on the other hand walks a very disciplined walk. I watch him do things that surprise me as he walks in obedience to God. The way he prays and spends time with God on his own can be truly inspiring. However, our time together usually revolves around silence or confrontations. I am learning to let go of control, not only of my life to God, but of Eric's life to Eric.

So again, hopefully on this vacation, we will get to spend some time together doing things we have never done before. I am looking forward to exploring God's world through Eric's eyes over this next week.

So as much as Vacation is to get away from work and other details that make day to day life what it is, this vacation is about rediscovering what it means to be dad and realizing that my little boys are now young men and that it is time to truly let go and let God.

I shall return as this story is only at its beginning...as a family we are going on a vacation with three other families from our church...this will be our first cruise and our first experience with snorkles...I am eager to see what life lessons God has in store for us and for me. As a friend has recently wrote...it's time for me to jump off the high-dive!!! Thanks Mary.

Day 1 of my blogging life.

2005-02-03T10:28:00.000-06:00

Okay so some of us are born and then born again...in this life we can now become writers or bloggers and thus start yet another life. Truely this is yet another 'New' beggining and I find it rather exciting.

Over time I will come here and share with you things from my history while at times I will share my life by living in the moment and ultimately sharing my dreams and hopes of tomorrow.

Please bare with me as I begin this journey as this is only Day 1 of my blogging life.