Monday, November 07, 2005

Variety of thoughts...not sure where it will lead

Today is one of those days that has me going through a range of thought and emotion. As I sit down to type this blog out, I find myself burning with Anger. There are a rash of topics, from work, to sports, to faith, to recovery, to relationships...I'm not sure where to start. Personally I don't do well with Anger.

No I'm not one of these guys that flies off the handle, instead I tend to take it inward and I close off from people and things. For some reason, Anger triggers some truly deep down emotions that I fear bringing to the surface. Things that I believe I have worked through, but every once in a while I find controlling me.

There is a part of me that wants to love people where they are at, but like myself, people are messy and realtionships are not perfect. I have friends and family going through some rough spots in their own relationships, and all I am suppose to do is sit quietly on the sideline and watch them either work it out or tear it to pieces. This is the part that I don't like.

Watching others making choices that either bring on victory or harch consequences. It's painful to watch. To bring this closer to home, I watched my older son Eric play in a Tennis tournament this week-end. He played a couple of really good matches, but as I watched I could see some things that his choices on the court where bringing to him. Yet, I can't tell him, it's his tennis and his choices. I've watched as my younger son Ryan chooses on the soccer field or even in selecting his soccer team. Again these are his choices.

Then I stop and think about choices that I have made over the years and I wonder, how does God view me? I'm sure that I can be a frustrating child of God. It's clear he has given me all the gifts to successfuly accomplish what He created me to be. I'm certain that many of you can quote the scriptures to back this up, but I wanted to take this time to personalize my thoughts and not provide "Church" speak.

In the end, I believe God looks on with Grace and lots of patience. I think about the guys that I spend time with each week working on "Recover" issues and how as a friend I believe in each one of them. I know that they will find the way that God has created for them. That is how God looks upon each of us. He Believes in us.

This brings me to my favorite line from a movie "The Count of Monte Cristo" I've shared this in another story,...In prison, the count is secretly meeting with another prioner who used to be a priest. The priest is teaching the count many things and in his teachings he is teaching about God's grace. Near death, the priest tells the count that when he gets out and finds the financial treasure that they have discussed that the count is to use it for good. Do as God would want. The Count asks "What if I don't believe in God?" The priest, says "That's okay, God believes in you!"

To me this is a paradigm shift on sharing the gospel. For years I have listened as we try to convince others to accept Christ, if only they would believe in Him. There is a crucial step, in my opinion that has been missed. It is time that we step up and validate God's belief in us.

As I focus on His belief in me then I find that I have an easier time making the decisions/choices that coincide with God's will. When I focus on myself and how I will look to my fellow man, then I find that I make choices that are less honoring to God.

In the end, his Grace is like a sports 24 hour rule. Teams win or lose, have 24 hours to celebrate of whine about a game, then it's time to focus on the next game. God's grace is there for me to celebrate when I am obedient and to go through the disappointment when I am not obedient. In the end it is time to move on to the next choice and not wallow in my previous decision.

Hey what do you know...writing can be rather healing. My anger/frustration is being lifted as I write. Thank you my reader friends simply for being you.


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