Monday, October 31, 2005

Renewed Spirit...removing clutter

It has been months since I have last posted, and perhaps equally as long since I have been in a good place. Funny thing, no matter if I'm in a good place or not, life continues and I can either continue down until I reach a pit or I can choose to grab a life vest and float to the top all over again.

Recently, I have allowed life to just happen with one exception. I made a commitment to support my wife as she pursued training and transition into a career "Life Coach". On the same page, my own desire has been to chase the same dream of becoming a "Life Coach". So for the past few months I have been going through my initial training phase and in the process of learning the techniques associated I have been learning about having the "Heart of a Coach". The key piece here is that as a Coach we believe in our client. This has never been an issue for me, however in this process I am learning to believe in myself. Now that is a major transormation for me. It challenges my faith and quite frankly I believe is leading me to a new place that I was preventing myself from reaching.

As a part of the training process it is important to be coached. Amidst the various coaching topics which I tend to stay business focused, God caught my attention. CLUTTER is a major issue in my life. Not just the typical clutter associated with stuff sitting around that needs to be picked up and put away, but basically a clutter of things to do, responsibilities, activities, relationships, commitments etc... Part of being coached is working through the issue at hand so that we can come up with an action plan on our own that we buy into and are willing to follow through on. As I focused in on the clutter a voice kept speaking to me. One word...PRAY.

Before you think that I am going off on some religious hocus pocus, please understand that my Spritial Disciplines are severly lacking and I freely admit that I am a broken vessel in need of some strong repairs. Prayer has never been one of my strengths. I'll get back to the details in a moment, allow me a minute to explain how I came to the conclusion of Prayer as my action step and what I have done this week in response.

I started to look at the many things in my life and my attempts to change the habits that were bringing me down. With each one, I realized that my motives where and are wrong. My motives have been about me and my appearance to others. I want to look and act like this "Good Christian". I should physically look a certain, I should have my business in order, I should have my finances in order, my family should meet certain expectations...what a load of crap I was living.

I have even tried to give the appearance in public and in private of doing the Christian things. I have tried on many occasions to Pray, read scripture and journal about what I was doing and learning. But again my motives were purely selfish. To put it plainly, my motives where like this "God, if i do this for you will you do that for me?" There has been no humbleness on my part, there has been no grace or genuine worship and fellowship with God from Me. Come to think of it, I was my own God.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not all that, actually I am rather average...But a result of all the things that I have done to try and appear a certain way have caused for a lifetime of clutter to be built up. So I made a commitment to Pray every morning to develop a Spiritual discipline as well as a new ritual. This time, though I have started with NO journaling or reading, just quite simply an honest daily time in Prayer. I don't want this to be about technique, I want this to be about a genuine relationship with God.

I believe that God wants to work on me, with me and through me one item at a time. All I need to do is pick up the phone and call Him...It's called Prayer.

As a result, this is my first week and I can honestly say that He is speaking to me. He is working on me with the little things. I am guarded to share the particulars as I want to keep things on the down low, but in time I will be thrilled to share with you the greatness of God, especially as I learn to change my motives and expectations.

As God has reached me and is teaching me how to remove clutter, He has also provided me with a renewed Spirit.